I love me some Selling Houses Australia. And obviously you do too because it’s been on the air for over 10 seasons. And I don’t think it’s showing any signs of slowing down considering season 12 won’t be far off!
If you’re a regular watcher of the show, there are certain things that crack you up each week. Some of them are intended to be funny, like when Andrew insults the home owner’s design choices. And some of them are funny for all the wrong reasons, like when wallpaper is used that would make real-life property stylists reach for the bucket.
And so my Selling Houses Australia drinking game was born. The best way to enjoy this game is to watch old episodes of the show marathon style, with your drink of choice in hand. Mine’s red wine, which can’t be shot or skulled (trust me, it burns). So I play a slow game of delicate sips. But do choose your preferred poison and buckle up for a fun-filled experience.
Disclaimer: I know, disclaimers are boring. But I should say this; none of the things I’m stating below are fact. This is all a bit of fun. Any claims are alleged and I also advise you drink responsibly.
How the Selling Houses Australia Drinking Game Works
It’s simply really. Just pop on an episode of the show and let the games begin.
Each time one of the below moments occurs, you take a sip of your drink. You can choose to sip on wine, soft drink, or something calmer. Or you can actually shot something – it’s entirely up to you!
The game is best played with friends. Because drinking alone is apparently sad (though I dispute this claim wholeheartedly).
OK. Enough of my jibber jabber. Let’s get on with the game.
Alrighty then – on with the Game!
When Andrew insults the home owner’s before he even walks inside and the home owner is absolutely pissed off but can’t show it = one shot
Andrew deserves every inch of that gold Logie. There’s an artform to insulting people in such a way that’s hilarious to the audience watching, but not insulting enough that the home owner actually punches you. It’s a fine line Mr Winter manages to walk every week. I’m still waiting for The Lifestyle Channel to compile all of this insults into one hour-long package. That is some essential viewing right there.
I actually spoke to Andrew about his hilarious insults. Read the interview here.
When the local real estate agent appears too excited to be on TV and it feels like they’re auditioning for their own potential reality spinoff = one shot
Bless those local real estate agents. Some of them have a heart of gold, some of them are smarmy as hell, and others clearly have no idea what they’re doing. The better episodes are the earlier ones where Andrew got annoyed with the agents and gave them a talking to. That made for some deliciously awkward TV and I was there for it.
When one of the home owner’s tries to question Shaynna’s vision when they’re home currently resembles a university share house = one shot
I love Shaynna Blaze. She is my spirit animal, which makes it even more painful to watch when the home owners get up in her grill about changes she’s planning to make. As if they’re not currently living in a home that looks like a bomb’s just hit. And then at the end, they admit defeat by praising the changes made.
If you love Shaynna too you can read my interview with her here.
When Andrew uses the creepy reference “The Blaze and the Bone” and you’re not sure why you feel grossed out by it, but you do = one shot
I can’t explain why this new catchphrase creeps me out so much, but it does. Andrew has taken to using it a lot this season. “The Blaze and the Bone have done it again,” he’ll declare. Or “This sounds like a job for The Blaze and The Bone”, is another version often used. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I don’t know why.
When the name of the white paint being used on the walls is revealed and it contains the words misty, pebble, sky, dream or cloud = CHUG
The best part of each episode – outside of Andrews initial home critique – is the unveiling of the week’s paint colour. You know it’s always going to be a white, for the most part, but guessing the full name is always challenging. You get a shot if any of the words ‘misty, pebble, sky, dream or cloud’ are used. And if you guess the exact name (or your friends assess that it’s close enough) you gotta CHUG your drink.
When the makeover budget is revealed and you’re not sure what kind of Wiccan magic they’re going to use to pull it off = one shot
Each week when The Blaze and The Bone (there’s that term again) tell you how much they can transform the home for, something feels off. When you attempt to do something as small as a bedroom makeover it requires a second mortgage, spans a three-month timeframe, and your marriage breaks up half-way through.
When the camera zooms in and lingers too long on a product tag, brand t-shirt, or company logo = one shot
There’s something a little awkward about the way the camera moves in when the tag is being ripped off a cushion. Or when art is being taken out of the box. Or when an installer is laying carpet and the cameraman actually gets so close to the logo on his back that he’s officially mounted him.
When a home owner moves in on Charlie and you can tell he feels uncomfortable = one shot
Poor Charlie is often cornered by the female home owner, flirting with him over the ficus pumila. It’s awkward for him, it’s awkward for us, it’s awkward for the husband. When you see this occur – or whenever you generally feel Charlie wants the home owner to leave him alone, you must drink.
Charlie tells me all about the BTS Selling Houses action in this interview.
When a colour is used on the wall that you’d never have the guts to apply in real life = CHUG
The same goes for wallpaper. Shaynna does make a controversial choice now and then and sometimes it ruffles feathers. Mainly mine. But I do like her courage. If you see a paint colour or wallpaper that makes your skin crawl, you must chug.
When they reveal that a port-a-loo in the western suburbs of Sydney sold at auction for $1 million and you thank your lucky stars you don’t live in Sydney = one shot
Thank heavens I moved to Melbourne, where property is actually affordable(ish). The Sydney market is absolutely bananas and if you live there I suggest you move interstate as soon as humanly possible.
When otherwise kind locals get roped into walking through the home before the makeover and give bitchy critiques = one shot
The third-best part of the show is when the locals walk through the home and give their (uninformed) critiques. The better locals are the ones that are probably lovely when you see them at the self-serve checkout in Coles, but turn absolutely bitchy when the camera turns on them. The older they are, the larger your gulp.
When you know that the home owners post-makeover have no intention of selling because the home is too nice now and they want to stay put = CHUG
Now this is the part that usually gets me annoyed. The team go to so much work to transform the home, and you can tell the owners are super impressed. You then see the wheels turning where they’re trying to figure out how to not sell the property. It usually involves them spouting out sentences like “I’m not going to accept less than it’s worth”. Which you know is code for, “I like the home now and have no intentions of leaving”.
Is there Something I Missed?
What’s your fave part of Selling Houses Australia? I’d love to know if there’s a moment each week that I need to have a sip to. Drop me a comment below and let me know what’s missing! And also let me know what you want to see happen on Selling Houses Australia season 12!