Vertical Blinds are the Devil’s Work
I have a bone to pick with Edward and Frederick Bopp. They’re the brothers responsible for creating vertical blinds back in 1950. And the major bone I have to pick is this: they should have stayed in 1950!
There’s nothing more outdated in a home than vertical blinds. And I’m allowed to say that because I have them in my new home. But Chris, you’re a stylist, what were you thinking? I hear you say. And to that I must reiterate that I purchased my new home off-the-plan. And I came in right toward the end of the process when everything had already been selected and installed.
Thankfully the verticals are not in every room in my home. But they do take up a rather large chunk of visual real estate in my living room. And I have to see them every day.
Actually, there is one thing worse than vertical blinds in a home – and that’s oyster lights. I’ll let you in on a little secret: I have those too!!! I know, it’s almost grounds for a refund on the property sale, right? Thankfully the oysters are only in the three bedrooms of my home. And thankfully I tend to not use overhead lights anyway (Lamp lighting is what I’m all about).
I’ve P*ssed off the Gods, clearly
So I’m stuck with these vertical blinds for the moment, because the roller blinds the builders put in the rest of the home aren’t amazing either. You can clearly see that they cut corners financially in some areas. Namely the lighting, blinds and carpet. Thankfully Choices Flooring already sorted out my hideous old carpet (Full before and after shots coming soon).
Now I just have to navigate replacing the verticals. But I don’t want to install roller blinds to match the current blinds, because I want them replaced in the coming months. The blinds I have are cheap. And they are SO hard to roll up. Seriously, it’ll be a Biggest Loser exercise challenge soon; rolling up Chris’ blinds. And they’re a very dark grey. None of it is working, but I hold out hope that it’ll all be sorted out shortly.
It’s not just the look of vertical blinds that I loathe. Yes, they remind me of corporate offices of the 90s. Yes, they remind me of doctor’s surgeries of the early 2000s. But looks aside, I hate the way they function too. Clearly I’ve done something wrong in this life or a former one, because the decor God’s are p*ssed off and I’m being punished.
Vertical Blinds and Pets are the Pits
In one of my old rental homes, my kitten went bonkers on the vertical blinds. Those creepy little white strings at the bottom of each panel were her favourite thing to play with. They’d be ripped out randomly, or sometimes the entire vertical panel would be found on the floor in the morning when I got up. Living the dream, right?
Even in my new home, I hate seeing those tassels at the bottom; connecting each vertical panel. Readers of the blog have been kind enough to offer up advice on how to deal with them (“take the tassels off”, they’ve said). But even with the tassels removed, my living room still feels like a 90s flashback. And the plastic insert at the bottom of the vertical always slides around too. Peek-a-Boo, I never want to see you!
Is my decorator OCD showing? I know, there are bigger things to worry about in the world apart from vertical blinds (like what to replace oyster lights with). But this is a big deal if you’re as house proud as I am. There is nothing worse than friends or family coming over to your home and having to put them through looking at your vertical blinds. What horror.
Alternatives to Vertical Blinds, please!
The hunt begins to determine which window treatments will be best to replace the vertical blinds and the roller blinds in my home. Now that the dark grey carpet is gone and replaced with a gorgeous creamy beige, I can reassess the overall colour palette. I love sheer curtains with a roller (like in the above from Lovelight), but the cats would tear those up something shocking. A roman might also work, but it will take some investigating.
I did see a new version of the vertical blind on a website recently and I was almost impressed with it. But something about verticals still brings me pangs of pain. I know that venetian blinds can be a right pain in the behind to clean (and they collect a tonne of dust). But I do prefer those over the vertical options.
Right, I’m on it! Stay tuned in the coming weeks as I show you a few alternatives to verticals that you might want in your space. There are a lot of options to consider, so I think a ‘window treatment showcase’ is in order.
What’s your Take?
Do you have vertical blinds? Are they giving you grief too? Maybe you’ve replaced your verticals with another option and are insanely happy right now? Sound off in the comments below and offer up your advice. I’d love to hear from you!